here’s the thing:

08/10/06

i’m not sure how long this is going to last. i have a blog elsewhere, you see. and this site is definitely too advanced for me. i have neither the skill nor the motivation to do all the cool things it mants me to do. also, to warn: my posts are always very personal and seldom make sense to anyone who cannot read my mind. that said, i’m kind of liking the notion of a blog where i can continue to do what i do (make cryptic [maybe i won’t even make them cryptic anymore!], mostly boring posts about things that are on my mind) and not have anyone i know reading. why don’t i just get a paper journal, you ask. well, i have a fucking paper journal. these things are very different. trust me.

anyway.

there’s this girl, you see. and she’s really swell.
we’ve been best friends for three or four years now, and i realized a few months back that i am in love with her like nobody’s business. we recently graduated college and moved to places far away from one another, and i get it in my head that we’re never going to see each other again and i might as well tell her how i feel. so i send her a letter. she got it last friday. but she’s not ready to talk about it yet.
i’m pretty torn up about this. consumed by the feeling that i am wrecking our friendship and that it will never be the same again and that i am losing her. and my life without her in it is no good at all. us being physically separated these last few weeks has been excrutiating. it’s sort of hard to breathe. i talk to her on the phone almost every day, but i still feel like they’ve cut off my leg or something. like part of me is missing and i’m bleeding and i can’t function properly.
so i’ve been going a little crazy, as one might expect.

this is the girl. standing there being great. and me standing to her right basking in the glow.
the girl.

you’re the only thing that i love
scares me more every day
on my knees i think clearer
.

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